18# Sad separation and divorce

In order to tell this segment of my life; I am going to have to begin with one of the saddest parts of my life. My separation and eventual divorce!. You children know, (or I hope you to do) that it was not something I ever wanted. Marriage had always been forever in my heart and I never considered it. That's why I stayed for 35 years! Even when we finally moved out- I never expected it to be the end.  was just taking "one day at a time "  I still loved your Dad, as you know. He was a good man but he could not overcome his demons created from his childhood.
Your Dad's health had seriously deteriorated over the years from pills and alcohol.  I know he was still grieving over our loss, as was I, but for the sake of our other children ; we needed to go on. He was hospitalized many times but would never stay for further treatment.
When we finally moved out, I was very guilt-ridden, because he was ill.  So much so that I had to seek some counseling therapy for near depression.

The struggle to adjust after our son's death was not easy!  The years continued and raising Sheri and Gene was very difficult.  I put the children in Catholic school and that was difficult paying tuition.  However, I prayed that the Catholic faith could give them something; we could not.  I began to attend church regularly again myself and could feel that I was getting stronger from it.  Dad worked sporadically, and eventually we had to move from our beautiful home, that we loved very much.
I really  hoped that moving from there, might help your Dad recover from his grief a little.  But it seemed to depress him all the more.!  Ten years had passed and as I finally began to attend Al-anon and stayed close to the Lord- I went to work and got stronger.

1983 Palm Sunday was the day we-Sherri 18 and Gene 17 and myself moved from the apartment we lived in with your Dad.  We had received an eviction notice because of all the turmoil and I had been looking for a home for us as a family, previously.  Then when he left the hospital without treatment again; I decided to move without him.   It was very difficult; but  I finally decided, with the help of God and al-anon that we didn't have to live that way anymore.  Even then, I part of me still hoped he might get help and return to us as the husband and father we all loved, but it was not to be! 

My sister Evelyn was also a great support at that time. She told me to pray each day for the courage to make the right decision. One of his Doctors had recently said to me "has ANYTHING you have ever done helped or changed him."?   When I admitted to him and to myself that nothing had;  I realized for the first time, that it was up to me to change our lives. I was 53 years old! Which, at that time; I considered "old".  Little did I know what God had in store for me!

Laura was working at a real estate, at the time, and with her help I found and financed- $1000 down, a little house in Burbank, Il. I felt, each day that God was guiding me, as I asked for his help.  Amazingly, every step went so smoothly. I had been laid off my job at the Southtown Economist, and was desperately seeking work daily to pay the mortgage. Sherri and Gene were helping with their part time job,  to pay the utilities. The PEACE we all felt immediately was unbelievable! Finally, we did not have to wake up in the morning and think about what catastrophe would occur today, because of his illness. I no longer had to say to the children "poor Daddy" can't help his behavior,  because he is sick" It is another of God's miracles  that my children are all such wonderful people today!!
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After several months worrying about how to pay the mortgage payments and working 3 part time jobs; I finally landed a full time job. It was difficult to get a job with little work history and being 53 years old! Laura and Jay had been helping us financially and Sherri and Gene both worked part time and helped to pay the utilities. Also, I was working two part time jobs and going to school at night to get a real estate license!

The job was managing a large complex in Crestwood. I took complaints and scheduled repairs, etc. attending the condo meetings and generally trying to keep the condo owners content.

Things were looking up for us. Even Sherri and Gene seemed to be finally at peace! I prayed every night that I was doing the right thing;   especially when I had to file for divorce, in order to keep my earnings safe. Dad was being looked after, for the most part by Laura; and I regret the price she ultimately had to pay for being the good and faithful, older daughter.

Sherri graduated high school and went to Morraine Valley college.  Which made me very proud. It wasn't long though that she began dating the man she eventually married.  and her and Tim have 11 children!  God has blessed them and me with healthy, beautiful children. My dear son  Gene adjusted very well! I always felt he was the most affected by his Dad's illness and the chaotic life. However, he also is still very devoted to his Dad. The children all are and I am eternally grateful for that.!  After he graduated high school,; he got an apartment and moved his Dad in.  Dad began working off and on and they shared the rent.  I was very happy for them both.  Shortly though,  Gene fell in love and married a beautiful, godly woman and presently has 4 lovely, intelligent daughters.