When your Dad came home from Ottawa, Il. after a year, we were still in love and so we got married on December 7, 1948. I had graduated from high school in February 1947 and had been working and living at home with my mother.
Your Dad had gotten into some serious trouble with the police because he was trying to help his brother Paul. He was put away for a year because of it and because he had already had a long juvenile record. It was a shame because before that he had been in the Army and was trying to make a life for himself!
When he went off to Ottawa, Il. jail; I went down to southern Indiana; and tried to get over my love for him. My mother had been trying to convince me that he was not good for me and my sister Evey needed my help in Indiana. She and her husband Ed owned a bar and restaurant in this little town. I tried to forget your Dad but as you know , it was in vain! As soon as he was released- I came home and we went to City Hall and got married. I loved him very much as he did,me!
He seemed to had matured and acted more contented with himself. Which was due, I think to the Sherriff at Ottawa. For the first time in your Dads life - this man befriended him and put his trust in him. He made him feel worthy, is what your Dad told me.
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The early years of marriage with your Dad were very difficult, but when I became pregnant with our first child;( always the optimist,) I foolishly expected he would be happy with our married life. He always supported us to the very best of his ability and said that he loved me but couldn't help himself. He denied that he was being unfaithful, and I kidded my self that it was true for a long time. As you can tell , I was a very weak and needy person, at that time of my life. I didn't become stronger until many, many years later, after our son's death and when I started to attend al-a-non and church. He loved you children, however, more than I can tell.!
Why did I stay? I suppose, my own insecurities, and thinking I could help him to change. Of course, He had his own baggage from childhood and I finally realized; he couldn't overcome that.
Our first dearest, child was born July 9, 1949. We were both 19 years old. Daddy was crazy about her and proud of his little girl. He carried her around constantly, bragging to anyone who would listen about her beauty and accomplishments, as she grew. Our Laura, was only 5# 4 oz., because she was born early. I was only 8 months at the time! Laura Jean was a beautiful child and she was the joy of my life. She has always been a loving child and seemed to care about every one's feelings. Her many accomplishments were very special to us. We were both, very proud of her. I felt important and fulfilled for the first time in my life. Finally, someone loved me, unconditionally! As I loved her!! So much so, that I wanted another child. Knowing our marriage was unstable and fearing that he might be unable to support us, your father, wisely- didn't want to have anymore children for awhile. We were both so young and immature! Now, I know he was being wise and considerate; but at the time, I felt he didn't love me! In spite of my own , inferiority complex and immaturity, Laura was raised into a beautiful human being. Laura has had some difficult times of her own; which has extended for many years and has been very hard for her and the family : however today is the mother of another of my wonderful grandchildren, James Lawrence, named for her brother, James. My grandson is also, a God-loving person ,of whom I am very proud! Laura, at this time, in spite of her problems, is also, caring for me and doing an admirable job. So, as you see - "what goes around, comes around." Actually, I don't know what I would be doing without her help. I am so grateful for all she does for me daily. God, again has his ways of giving back!
To continue with our early life, after Laura was born and about three years later, our life seemed to be improving. With the help of your Dad's mother; we were able to purchase an old apartment building. Your Dad was working steadily at a car dealership, and was a top salesman. We also were able to rent 2 of the small apartments out, and we lived on the ground floor. With the rent from the apartments, we were able to guarantee the mortgage payments. Dad was not going out at night as much because he was busy making changes to the new building. Except for his jealousies and possessiveness- we got along well. If I tried to visit with my family or see any friends, he would be angry so I stayed home; but I was busy with the children - and didn't mind that as long as he was being faithful.
Jimmy's birth
As usual, God knew what he was doing, even when we didn't; because our first son, James Bernard was born On October 24 , 1952. He was named after your Dad's brother, who had died at a very young age. We were 23 years old. I was truly, elated and fulfilled. to have a boy. My mother had 6 girls and I always expected, I would do the same! He was 7 # but gained a pound before I took him home from the hospital, (10 days) because I was able to nurse this time, nursing was such a wonderful experience for me and it was exciting to see him thrive! He was such a joy. Cute, smart and strong. Jimmy sat up and crawled very early and actually walked at 8 months! I have pictures, ha ha! He was amazing AND he looked like me. Laura was always very beautiful like her Daddy. In spite of 3 1/2 year difference in their ages; they were always great pals. Laura was very loving and protective of her brother.
Growing up, they, like all children, got into a lot of arguments. I was not a very, patient, parent-regrettably. I used to spank them quite a bit but mostly to avoid getting Dad involved. He had no patience with problems, at home . I knew it was my duty to keep things calm, so he would not get upset and start yelling. Everything to do with the house and children was always my responsibility. That's the way most marriages were then. I didn't mind it a bit, I loved being a wife and mother!
Jimmy was always a very, sensitive boy! As he got older, he talked to me and questioned me a lot about myself and life in general. He was very curious about everything. I remember one time, when he was about 12 or 13; he asked me how a man and woman make a baby. Coming from a boy to a mom, I was kind of surprised, as you can imagine! Being as naïve as I was; I simply said: "when you love someone so very, much- there is a beautiful moment, when you must get as close to that person, as you possibly can" He seemed to understand because he accepted that explanation. He always invited me and begged me to come down in the basement and listen with him to his records. He and his friends had a band of their own and practiced in our basement . I remember vividly, him singing "Gloria"! I caught him many times, singing and mimicking Elvis Presley, in the mirror. He loved the Beatles and his favorite group was "Chicago" much later, of course. When he was about 12, he seriously wanted to play the saxophone. So much so, that - he went to work -polishing cars for his father to sell. He earned enough to buy a used saxophone and played in the band at school. He desperately wanted to excel at that; but for some reason, couldn't quite master it.. As he grew to be a man, he was very popular with his friends and of course, the girls. The death of a child is something that you never get over and because of that- I am dealing with it now, more than ever. I know that I will be up in heaven with him someday and he will be playing that sax, beautifully!
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