6# More middle childhood

My older sisters and I were never close when I was young . Growing up in a family of 5 girls; you would expect us to be close, but because they were so much older and because of my sister Laverne's epilepsy; we were not. LaVerne, who was 7 years older was always on medication and could not be counted on to help Mama. The two older girls were doing their own thing and so I was in charge of dear, little sister "Jeanie".     Yes, I always felt like "poor me"  because  I was depended upon  a lot to clean and scrub the floors on Saturday and wash the daily dishes.  Even so, I loved Marlene dearly and her death was very hard on me.

Mama did do all the cooking and we washed clothes together whenever we had to. Mama suffered from bronchitis since she was a child. The smoking and drinking made it worse! Frequently, she would have bouts of coughing. Unfortunately she had been on a destructive path since "her Bill's" death. Whenever she had too much to drink; she would cry about "her Bill"  which was what she called my Daddy. She was only 39 when he died and I felt that she never fully accepted it!

My oldest sister Viola, had never had many boyfriends; being a Mama's girl according to sister, Evey. Viola was already in her 20's; considered old at that time! Especially since her younger sister Evelyn had married at 16. Ha! Not a good thing! By this time Evey was living alone with 2 children under 3. Her husband, Jim Nichols- had not worked a day since they married. He was not only lazy but physically abusive. We, Mama and us girls, watched the kids while she worked. Anyway, we were all ecstatically happy for Viola when she met Roscoe because Roscoe, as you kids remember, was a wonderful man, who loved the Lord!  I began to feel that he was the missing father-figure in my young life.

Freddie, whom I mentioned earlier was still with my mother. Even though he was a heavy drinker, he continued to talk and teach me things. He was a very smart and good person and until he was really drunk;  he was ok. He was interested in my schooling and grades and I needed that. The worst thing. however, was being told to get out of bed, in the middle of the night, when he would preach to me. None of it made much sense, which is the way it is with a true drunk. Mama, even though she also was drinking would say, "leave her alone", "she has to get up for school"  but there is no arguing with a drunk!  Of course, she was too weak of a person to insist, and just wanted to "keep the peace" so she would eventually go along with it.  I too, always thought I would be "keeping the peace" if I just listened. Later, when he would pass out, I would sneak to bed. There was never any physical abuse so I didn't realize that the mental abuse was so demeaning!  I realize now that is why I put up with so much in my own first marriage.  I always wanted to "keep the peace".